Newtown Quidditch Constitution

We the forefathers of the Newtown Quidditch Association have constructed the following Constitution due to the recent actions, or therefore, the lack of, by the members of this association. We have henceforth made this Constitution to resolve any future problems from over reacting on the pitch and in life.

Article One- Members

Section 1- Your Decision
If you decided to join the Newtown Quidditch Association facebook group, then you joined for a reason. whether it be that you wanted to be really cool, or you wanted to play a kick-ass gmae, you are a member of this group. At the recent time in which we most recently checked the facebook group, there were 32 members. However, at the most populated quidditch match, there were only 16 awesome cool kats. Due to the rules of basic math, that means that only half the members have been to a quidditch outing.

Section 2- Bitches
No bitches on the pitches.

Section 3- No Complaints
Not pointing any fingers, but we don't want to hear members of this group bitch and moan about how they are upset that they haven't been able to come so they make shitty stories up about how bad the timing of NQA events are.

Section 4- Hair Color
The members of this group shall in fact be of a normal life style. Therefore, no member of this here association shall have hair that is red. Also, no members' nicknames should include Ginger, Ging, Stupid Ging, Carrott Top, flame head, or Ging.

Article Two- Professionality

Section 1- Dirty Words
In the past, at recent NQA events, bad words have been/are present; a lot. We need to control these bad words, becuase what if, for some odd reason, we actually have fans that decide to come watch. For this reason, the following words/phrases/groups of words are to longer be said at NQA events: fuck, shit, crap, shut up, your mom (little kids might actually beleive we are talking about their mothers), "that's what she said" (What if a little five year old girl is there. She'll think we are talking about her and then she'll say, "Fuck you assholes, I never said that shit."), muggle, half blood, and most definately never say ginger in front of little kids. However, until we actually have these fans, members of this association are allowed to express their opinions with these rather haneous words/phrases/groups of words.

Section 2- Fooling Around
Before, after, and during intense matches on and off the pitch, we expect all members to remain professional and under control. Take for example Nate. What if he was sitting down on the ground and some retard decided to step on his foot. WHAT IF NATE BROKE HIS ANKLE?!?

Section 3- Controlability
As I recollect on past events, I can think of three examples of when members of this association have lost control of themselves. In hopes of not being mean or causing embarrassment, I will use fictional names. First, when Pary Goe was very angry and decided it was a good idea to break someone else's broom on the ground becuase he had a small penis. That's a no-no. Second, when Kean Sennedy was mad because he couldn't pass it out becuase no one would help him out because no one likes him becuase his ear is pierced becuase he plays hockey becuase he's white, decided it was necessary for him to yes FUCK and snap his broom in half over his knee. Lastly, when Fteve Sorgione thought it would be cool to make his finger and someone else's eye become one. All I have to say to the three of them, Your Fucking Retards. Therefore, no one must follow in their foot steps.

Section 4- Jewdism
Being Jewish isn't a lifestyle, it's a religion. Therefore, it is not an excuse for not being present at NQA events. I highly doubt that services are ALL day long, therefore being Jewish is not an excuse.

Article Three- Miscellaneous Crap

Section 1- Fighting
There is to be no fighting while we are on the pitch. Quidditch is a game for the mind, and therefore if you engage in fighting while on the pitch, it is a sign of weakness. It is showing that you allow the pressures of the pitch overcome the thriller you get from playing.

Poem

Some I will make
Others I will bake.
maybe a cake
I cant make a mistake
Or it will brake.
I can eat it by the lake,
After I rake
With my friend Jake
He is not a fake
For goodness sake!

Jake has a friend who's gay,
His name is Clay.
He lives by the bay
Was born in May.
Everyday,
you may say,
hes on his way.
He's married to Jay
They like to lay
Sometimes they par-tay
With their friend Ray
The next day,
They will pay,
Oh hey!
Yay!
I once took a dare
To eat a bear
Who had a lot of hair
Here and thereI
t was very rare
It tasted like a pear
I ate it at the fair
Where theres a lot of air
I had a lot of care
Becuase of what I wear.

The bear had a paw
Some call it a claw
He has a really big jaw
It's against the law
My steak is kinda raw.

My dare was on live
At quarter to fiveRight after the big dive
I had a good vive.

I am a big liar
I ran over a wire
With my tire.

The tire was part of my car
Which was pretty far
Inside of a jar
Which is on a bar
RAR!

I once gave my car to Dick
Whose last name is Vick
He has a small tick
Which is kinda sick
Unless he has a stick
Then he likes to lick.

Dick is sorta fit
He rarely likes to sit
He has a baseball mit
But he already quit
He really liked to hit.
When he fell in a pit
He actually bit
His gigantic zit
Now he needs a kit.

His brother's name is Kat
Who has a favorite hat
He got it with a baseball bat
That he used to hit his cat
Or was it that rat
Thats extremely fat?
He takes up the whole mat
He has never been out on Sat.

He has a lot to gain
Becuase of all the pain
Inside his brain
He lives on Way Lane
His neighbor uses a cane
He has a big vein
They live by a crane
He once went to Maine
With his cousins Wayne
And Dane
And Jane
I make it rain!
That was kinda lame
You are to blame
Because you have no game
What a rediculous name
We are all the same
My award just came
Cause of all my fame.

I once was fast
But now I have a cast
I'm always last
As everyone runs past.

My parents have to cope
Cause i decided to elope
With the guy they call the pope
I tripped him with a rope
Now that was really dope!